Nair

Yet another joke from dear Carol.  Thanks, sweetie! mj

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the Veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in it’s ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub in it’s ears once a month.

The lady went to the drug store and got some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the druggist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

The lady said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The druggist said “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t shave for a couple of days.”

The lady said, “I’m not using it on my legs either; and if you must know, I’m using it on my schnauzer.”

The druggist said, “Stay off your bicycle for a week.”

How’s Your Day?

Learning to Read

Will Carol ever run out of jokes? I hope not! :D  Thanks, Carol.

My five year old students are learning to read. Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, “Look at this! It’s a frickin’ elephant!”

I took a deep breath, then asked…”What did you call it?”

“It’s a frickin’ elephant! It says so under the picture!”

And so it does…

“A f r i c a n Elephant “

Hooked on phonics! Ain’t it wonderful?

Pregancy, Estrogen, and Women

Funnies from Dottie!  :D  - mj

PREGNANCY Q & A!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex? A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower? A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in college.

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You ‘re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my driving-call 1- 800-’.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space.’
9. You’ re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

(Don’t blame me - I got this with no number 8.)

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats’ facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand :
1. OTHER WOMEN

Bubba’s 21st Birthday

Another joke from Carol’s seemingly endless supply. mj

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.  It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday.  On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bubba’s 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat…and nearly drowned!  Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. ‘Grandma,’ he asked, ‘it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?’

Granny looked deeply into Bubba’s troubled eyes and said, ‘Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, and you were born in July…